El Prado

Work on Mondays are endless. Orders were backed up from the weekend and it took all day to fill them. I made plans to drown the rest of the night with beer so I found myself at a hole in the wall called El Prado on Sunset Blvd. 

Bars funnel the neighborhood. I stepped through the velvet veil into a world of dim lighting and booze. There was a man in a suit hugging the far corner of the red brick wall. He was reading a book by the candle light, flames inches from his face.

I sat down at the bar made out of reclaimed wood. I was careful. It was too reclaimed. Splinters dug into my arms.

The bartender came over and screamed,

     "WHAT CAN I GET YOU HUN!"

It was loud, a turn-table was turning and the amplifier shouted at the oddly placed disco ball.

     "I'LL HAVE THE HOUSE IPA!"

She nodded and took out a chilled glass sticking out of the ice tray.
She was cute. She had on a floral dress with a brown belt across her middle. It created a bulge that gave her definition.
She placed a frothy, copper lager in front of me.

     "THAT'LL BE SEVEN DOLLARS!"

I gave her a ten and left the change for tip.
She gave me a wink and yelled at the guy who just sat down couple chairs from me.

I took a bigger gulp than I anticipated. The sharp bubbles stung my throat and it felt good. The disco ball shot rays towards the couple that was sitting a few seats down. Their eyes were locked on each other and talking with their hands. Body language was spoken here. The man had a full beard and it was combed to a point. His bald head was a disco ball and his eyes were gleaming. The woman had on leather overalls with a laced see through top. She had long blond hair that she kept teasing. She grabbed his hand and held it. 

-

Her name was Cindy. She had long waves of golden brown hair and mahogany eyes that matched. We were immersed in purple haze and deep house. As company grew dull and the alcohol running a bit thicker, the slight touch of our legs became heavier. She buried herself into me and her arm slid into mine. 

     "Hey. Let's get out of here." 



SS

Platform 9 3/4

"Students Save!" Blared the ad on the screen. 

An animated train flew by the page. I'm not quite sure why but I clicked on it. 

I typed in my starting and ending destinations and the page refreshed. 

-

"How was your day today?" My mom asked. 

It shocked me a bit. It was a question that was rarely asked these days.

"Um, I found out I can take the train to school."

     "Oh really? And how much would that be?"

"About Eight dollars each way."

     "Thats not bad. Do it. I dare you to try it. I'll even pay for it." 

A challenge from my mother. I accepted. 

-

I found myself tossing and turning the night before the train ride. It felt like a night before a big trip. The insomnia of anticipation. 

6AM. I woke up to my mom packing lunch for me. God bless that woman. She shows me what love is every single day. 

     "Good morning!" She said as she smiled.

My dad was also awake and we took a family trip to the train station down the street. 

-

I was surprised at the amount of people waiting for the train. Suited people. Children clinging on to their mothers and even other students. 

7:37AM. The train came around the corner right on time. I stood right in front of the yellow line and felt the behemoth of human ingenuity fly by inches from my face. A wall of diesel exhaust and brake dust hit me as the train slowed to a halt. I grinned and got on. 

I sat by the window seat, always. The train started to move and I saw my family waving out the window.

     "I must be better to them." I said to myself. 

It was a 10 minute ride to Union Station where I had to transfer to another line. 

- 

7:47AM Union Station. 

I had 13 minutes to get to my next train. I followed the massive stampede of people down underground. The herd split. Half went left and half went right. 

Right or left. Right or left. I stood at the fork and tried to look for a map or a hint of where to go. Nothing. I took a chance and started walking right. 

I was intimidated. All these people knew exactly where to go and I was lost and felt out of place. I kept walking and hoped to find a familiar sign. 

     Platform 10B - Ocean Side 8:00AM 

It was 7:55AM. I made it on to the right train. I hoped. 

-

8AM.

I loved the punctuality. Public transportation kept me on schedule; kept me moving.  

The train departed and took the scenic route along the Los Angeles River. The birds were having their morning bath and downtown was gleaming from the morning sun. I passed by tent cities under bridges and saw a hobo pissing into the river. 

The new perspective of LA put me in a trance. It wasn't just the view out the window that I enjoyed. It was being out of my comfort zone and having an adventure that was exhilarating. 

The train passed over the 5 Freeway. A route that I once used to take. It was backed up with traffic. I smiled and took a sip out of my thermos. 

SS

Welcome to the Monkey House - Kurt Vonnegut

"And then, neutralizing gravity with love and pure will, they remained suspended in air inches below the ceiling, and they kissed each other for a long, long time."

"In the past week, " she said, "I've been married to Othello, been loved by Faust and been kidnapped by Paris. Wouldn't you say I was the luckiest girl in town?"

"We wouldn't have the telephone today if Bell hadn't had the guts to call somebody up."

"The question experienced men like yourself usually ask is: how high can I go and how fast? And the answer to that is that the sky is the limit for a man with drive and creative ambition. And he can go fast or slow, depending on what he's willing to do and capable of putting into the job."

"Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for"

"Every character should want something, even if it's a glass of water. "

"Be a sadist. Make awful things happen to your characters in order that we can see what they're made of. "

Movie List

2013

**Play Time -- Jacques Tati

**Lolita -- Stanley Kubrick

**Rushmore -- Wes Anderson

**The Shining -- Stanley Kubrick

***Argo -- Ben Affleck

***Une Femme Est Une Femme -- Godard

***American Psycho -- Mary Harron

***Safety Not Guaranteed -- Colin Trevorrow

***Robot and Frank -- Jack Schreier

**TED -- Seth MacFarlane

*Killer Joe -- William Friedkin

**Virgin Suicides -- Sofia Coppola 

***The Perks of Being a Wallflower -- Stephen Chbosky

*Wild at Heart -- David Lynch

***Full Metal Jacket -- Stanley Kubrick

**All God's Children Can Dance -- Murakami

*Elysium -- Neill Blomkamp

**Monster's University -- Dan Scanlon

***Lost in Translation -- Sofia Coppola 

***Moonrise Kingdom -- Wes Anderson

*Bottle Rocket -- Wes Anderson

**Solaris -- Steven Soderbergh

**Eyes Wide Shut -- Stanley Kubrick

***Gattaca -- Andrew Niccol

**Somewhere -- Sofia Coppola

***Norwegian Wood (Noruwei no mori) -- Tran Anh Hung (Haruki Murakami) 

***Chasing Ice

***Star Trek Into Darkness

**Olympus Has Fallen

2014

*Alan Partridge Alpha Papa

**American Beauty

**Bad Words

**The Bridge on the River Kwai

**Cutie and the Boxer

***Ernest & Celestine

***Finding Vivian Maier

***Gravity

***The Grand Budapest Hotel

**Her

***The Hunger Games

***The Hunger Games - Catching Fire

**I was Born But

**Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

*Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

**Jeune & Jolie

***Kes

**The Kings of Summer

**The Lego Movie

***Life of PI

***Like Father, Like Son

**The Machine

**Matilda

*Non-Stop

**Oblivion

**Oculus

**One Day

*Particle Fever

**The Past (Le Passe)

**Salmon Fishing in Yemen

***Samsara

***The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

**The Selfish Giant

*Sucker Punch

**Toto the Hero

**The Wolf of Wall Street

*Noah

Romans 12:9-21

Love in Action

9. Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 

10. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 

11. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 

12. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

13. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 

15. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 

16. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people          of low position. Do not be conceited.

17. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

18. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 

19. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is          mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 

20.On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Hole In The Wall

There is a book store on Sunset Blvd. It's squeezed between a closed down laundromat and a Check-into-Cash.

The guy behind the register wore thick black glasses and his gaze bore a hole in the wall. He couldn't care less who came in.

Instead, I was greeted by aged paper musk. This was no Barnes & Noble. Bookshelves as high as the ceiling were bursting with Bukowski to Vonnegut. Books were stacked on top of each other. Some were read and some were crisp. Alphabetical order? What order? 

Literary gems were found by scanning and picking a title that stuck out. 

     These Days Are Ours - Michelle Haimoff

I flipped to a random page and took a glimpse into another world. Something about 9/11, ghosts, and space. I put it back and scanned on. Each step squished a squeak out of the wooden floorboards. 

     JD Salinger. Squeak.
     Stephen King. Squeak.
     Oscar Wilde. Squeak.

The back of the store held a small cafe with a few tables. A man in purple slacks and Doc Martins was writing out his genius.

"What can I get you?"

The girl in front of the espresso machine smiled. Her blue eyes beamed behind leopard print glasses and a Pabst Blue Ribbon bandana kept her scattered blond hair out of her face. She had on a bright yellow shirt from the World Cup couple weeks ago. It matched the high-waisted jean shorts.

"I'll have a small coffee. Thanks."

It tasted like library books but I kept on sipping. 

Works from local artists formed a mosaic on the red brick wall. 

Kaleidoscope acid trips
People watching
LA sketches

The man writing in the corner looked up for a second, tapped his pen on his lips twice then went back to scribbling. 

This was a place where legends were born.

This was a place where they came to die. 

A hole in the wall littered with letters.

SS

Quotes

• The apple may be beautiful and delicious, but it's the tree that matters.
• Idle hands are the devil's workshop
• A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they will never sit in.
• All the water in the world cannot sink a ship unless it gets inside."
• A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
• "'The root of knowledge is bitter, but it's fruits are sweet.' Persist in hard times."
• "If you do strange things, strange things will happen."
• "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."
• "If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation."
• Man cannot remake himself without suffering for he is both the marble and the sculptor.
• Give someone a mask and they'll show their true face.
• Be like the flower that gives its fragrance to even the hand that crushes it.
• If you are more fortunate than others, it's better to build a longer table than a taller fence.
• Most of the Problems in my life are due to two reasons: I act without thinking, Or I think without acting.
• If you only do what you've always done, you'll only get what you've always got.

Sun Kissed

"I drove my lips inside of her lips. It was like entering the guts of a flower. She was nailed to the sun and I was the sun." -Bukowski

Cheap Love

     "Come over?"

          "What for?"

     "Just, can you come over please?"

          "What for?!"

     "I'm lonely. I need someone to hold me."

Someone... Like it could be anyone.
She probably checked off a list of boys till my name was next.

There was nothing wrong with her but I'm the jealous type and I didn't appreciate myself being part of a list.

          "I'm busy, we'll get dinner tomorrow okay?"

     "I hate you."

Click.

That pissed me off. She loved me enough to call me off a list but hated me when I denied her. Fuck that. I hoped the next guy on the list blew her off too. But I knew he wouldn't. Most guys jump at the chance of intimacy. I'm not most guys. That shit is cheap "love".

-

     "Hey, are we still having dinner?"

          "Yea, I'll pick you up at six."

     "Okay! See you!"

There was a sting of hypocrisy and I hated myself for it. But I did offer her dinner as consolation and I'm a man of my word. I pride myself in keeping it no matter how much hit my pride took.

I arrived at her place exactly at six.

     "Hey, I'm here."

           "Okay! Sorry give me a minute!"

She took eight minutes.

     "Hi! Missed you! I'm starving."

She smelled like flowers and looked just as pretty. I forgot that she had kept me waiting. Call me vain but I love being around beautiful women. I get high off the jealous glances of other men. We sit down at D'Angelos, a small italian restaurant in the heart of Koreatown.

     "So, tell me about your day."

That usually got her talking. She told me about the fat co-worker stuffing her face again. Then complained some more about having too much to do at work. She blabbered the same mundane parts of her life as she did last week at dinner. I made some crude joke and she laughed like it was the funniest thing she'd heard. Frankly, its always the same joke.

She made me feel lonely. They all made me feel lonely. I didn't have much choice though because without her, I would really be alone. Cheap love I guess has its value.

I dropped her off and hugged her good night. She smelled like flowers but I wished it was someone else in my arms.

SS

lifedance

the area dividing the brain and the soul
is affected in many ways by
experience-
some lose all mind and become the soul:
insane.
some lose all soul and become mind:
intellectual.
some lose both and become:
accepted.

Place Called Home

She gave me her address.
     "3251 Fletcher Dr."
     " Look for the bamboo on the fence." She added.

V lived on the outskirts of Silver Lake filled with industrial warehouses and auto garages with cars that were never going to get fixed. I drove by some modern apartment buildings, an eyesore against the dilapidated backdrop. 

Fletcher Drive. I turned right and spotted the bamboo covered fence and her car parked near by.
-
     "Hey I'm here."
          "Alright, Ill be right out"

She lived in the second floor of a house on a hillside that was turned into a multi-residential housing. It wasn't quite ghetto but it wasn't fancy either. There were kids playing on the street and felt their burning glares as I stood waiting for her to open the door. She fiddled around with the old lock before the door gave way.

     "Hey, I hope it wasn't hard finding this place", she said as she opened the door a bit wider to let me through.

Without waiting for an answer she directed her attention to the kids.

     "Hey guys, still coming to movie night?"
            "Yea." They answered still staring me down.

There was a faint smell of marijuana from the neighbors on the first floor as I followed her up the stairs.

     "Come in, Sorry about the mess."

She had couple clothes hanging off the chair and there was an opened bottle of wine next to some dirty dishes from her solitary debauchery last night. But overall, her place was neat. Her knick-knacks had a place they called home.

I took my shoes off and placed it next to her Chuck Taylors.

     "Did you want anything to drink? Water? Juice?" She politely insisted the social constructs that befell on everyone who invited anyone over for anything.

     "Make yourself at home, get anything you want. I'll be right back."  

She had music on. There was a faint acoustic guitar strumming through the air. I cautiously looked around and saw a retro 16mm film projector in the corner of the room. It was a vintage memorabilia. An analog tactile machine that was obsolete except in the hands of enthusiasts. I hoped it was used for the movie night she threw for the neighborhood kids. 

V was a collector of old and odd things. There was a record player with Neil Young still attached on the turntable. Artwork that balanced hope and misery hung on the walls and I found myself staring deeply into a portrait of a hand appearing out of the darkness. Next to it scribed the words "You are not a machine." 

I made my way to her bookcase. A copy of Charlotte's Web caught my eye.

     1984 - George Orwell
     The Fountain Head - Ayn Rand 
     Positions for Tantric Sex. 

It shocked me just as much. She didn't seem like the type, probably a gag gift. 

There were photographs of her smiling with other people in her life that knew her differently as I did. A giant golden letter V held the books up and I had a staring contest with an wooden owl next to it. She had collected things over the years that defined who she was and wanted to be. Even down to the floral salt and pepper shaker, she placed parts of her into the most ordinary objects. This was her home, her hidden den, her sanctuary from all the mundane and mediocre lives that she faced outside these walls. 

I spotted an old teal trunk under a dresser. A life-boat that brought her here or helped her catch air. She lived her life that she distinctively called her own and I discovered myself deeply immersed in her world. 

SS

Weapon and Poison

"Some books seem like a key to unfamiliar rooms in one’s own castle.

I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us. If the book we’re reading doesn’t wake us up with a blow on the head, what are we reading it for? So that it will make us happy, as you write? Good Lord, we would be happy precisely if we had no books, and the kind of books that make us happy are the kind we could write ourselves if we had to. But we need the books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside us. That is my belief."  -F. Kafka

Comfortable Determinism

"Don't let yourself gently settle into a path of least resistance, of comfortable determinism. So many futures die because you passively neglect them."

LIFE

"To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, to draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of life."

Let There Be Light

The Kadupul flower is one of the rarest flower in the world. Once a year, at night, behind the curtain of darkness, the bulb explodes into a firework of petals. And just like dissolving sparks in the sky, the thin white petals wither away by dawn. The Japanese call it the "Beauty Under the Moon" and to witness one in person is supposed to bring you great luck. 
-
Besides falling asleep under the stars, David's favorite part of the day was the early hour of morning. There was peace during the daily inauguration of the sun and it brought great joy to him to see the world around him light up as if God was raising the dimmer. "Let there be light.."

Out here, he was at the mercy of the elements. He realized early on that too many men lived their lives as masters of this world. Yet pride is a delusional illusion, for man-kind is slaved to giants of mother earth. A single press of her thumb can crush humanity back to the stone-age. He knew how easy it was to fall under hypnosis surrounded by phallic monuments of man. He believed that comforts of modern society weakened the spirit and instilled a dangerous sense of pride. The regular pilgrimage to the wilderness helped rid of this blindness and humbled him to kneel.

A few years ago, he hiked down the Grand Canyon. It was a two day trek and right before reaching the bottom, he was stuck on an overhang. Like a puck in Plinko, he had zig-zagged his way down the canyon only to find himself 20 feet from the bottom. Fate had cheated him and and angered him to act hastily. He could not admit defeat especially when he was so close. He pulled out his climbing gear and anchored himself to a tree. Before stepping off, he tugged at the rope for assurance. He grappled his way down only to realize he didn't tie enough rope to make it back up. His impatient spur had cost him a six hour detour through thorn covered shrubs and cacti. Bloodied and badly beat, he stumbled back to camp. His own pride betrayed him and had almost killed him.

David emptied his canteen onto the smoldering coals which hissed and coiled its last breath. Stretching his arms towards the sky, he looked out towards the vast landscape. The canyons that were dripping in gold yesterday had cooled to a smoky gray. There was 25 miles of frozen rock and ice between him and the base of Lenin Peak. He pulled out his map and surveyed the tundra ahead of him. Following the river up, the map marked a cliff 15 miles away. The cold crisp air stung his lungs and invigorated him. He needed the extra adrenaline; the journey would be an uphill battle. 

SS

"Sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you're in love or you're partners in crime. You meet these people throughout you life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something."

David and Goliath

There he was, hanging off the side of a frozen waterfall.
David was a speck in the landscape full of giants and he struck his ice pick into one.
Sheer determination, he thought was the best way to conquer this goliath.

It was a quarter past noon and the ice was starting to glaze from the sun. The slight warmth soothed him but made his trek treacherous. Five minutes ago, he saw a chunk of ice smash into the frozen river below. It reminded him that one misstep or bad luck, it was his turn to paint the river with pieces of his flesh. He was also running out of time. The giants took the sun away at three and darkness is a beast you don't want creeping up climbing frozen water.

David swung his ice pick over the ledge and made sure it held his weight. With tremendous effort that was depleted a while ago, he crawled on to the horizon. Gravity was his enemy for the day but here, flat on his back, it was his friend.

Blue sky.

The height that David thought was "not that bad" at the bottom was stupendous up here. He looked down with great triumph at the fallen giant and roared. The canyons roared back in applause and gilded him with rays from the sun. He gave a quick bow and headed to shore. There was no time. Darkness arrives without permission and shadows were already creeping up the cliff face. 

David was glad that it was a calm night. He made camp on a flat boulder overlooking the river. The embers from his fire glowed and cracked the silence with staccatos. Before falling asleep, David found peace connecting the stars in the sky. The heavens were generous with wishes as long as he was patient. The longer he stared into the diamond studded abyss, the better his chances were of catching one falling. 

-SS

Virtues

George Washington Carver's 8 virtues

1st. Be clean both inside and out.

2nd. Neither look up to the rich or down on the poor.

3rd. Lose, if need be, without squealing.

4th. Win without bragging.

5th. Always be considerate of women, children, and older people.

6th. Be too brave to lie.

7th. Be too generous to cheat.

8th. Take your share of the world and let others take theirs.

In Pursuit

Think of yourself in the future.

Now - Hold this image.

And then visit yourself where you are now, and how you feel now.

Now - Hold this image of your future memory visiting yourself now.

re - collecton

Pretty Girl

1. So I’m walking across campus and I come across someone who’s dressed like they came straight out of Vogue magazine. Boots that match her leather jacket and scarf that match her pants. Her make-up and hair flawless. Bomb looking girl; I just want to give her a thumbs up for taking the time to look extra-beautiful today.

Ethereal Moment

2. I visited a place this weekend where time did not exist. There was no past, no future, no regrets, no stress. It was raining and my best friends and I were chillin in the car. R&B was playing in the background and for a moment everything disappeared. There was absolute silence except the individual drops of rain hitting the roof to the beat of the music. Then I heard my friend gently hum-sing to the tune and I went somewhere ethereal. It was absolute beauty, a true bliss. I was in the company of my best friends, raindrops, R&B, and her voice. I was immersed in the essence of the moment. I felt the raindrops slide down my skin and her voice flowing through the air. I was suspended in serenity till the song ended; life came back and it was over. 

Mental Conversation

3. I’m sitting outside on a warm summer afternoon and I just finished a paragraph in my book. I look up across the patio and I see a girl casually sitting with her legs crossed and reading something on her phone. Her teal dress accompanied the clear sky and her toffee stranded hair scattered across her ears. She reached into her shopping bag on the chair next to her and grabbed a piece of red vine. She casually chewed on the red stick of liquorish, taking her time to absorb whatever she just read. There was a slight chill with the breeze and she adjusted her beige cardigan that matched her wedge heel.

Scores of people walk by and some go into Starbucks and some are waiting for the light to change. The air out on the patio is filled with conversation and laughter and the girl takes another red vine. She nonchalantly looks around; her eyes and ears stopping at each table to inspect its guests. As her senses makes its rounds, her eyes meet mine and we gaze into each others eyes.

She’s pretty.

With our gaze locked we mentally talked about the people around us. Or I hoped that was the exchange that took place. Seconds felt like minutes and before it got awkward, I ended our conversation. When I looked up again, the pretty girl wearing the sky was gone, never to be seen again except in my fading memory.

Coffee Shops

4. I really enjoy coffee shops. No, I love coffee shops. It’s a transformation machine. I walk in groggy and in a horrible mood, but once I step inside, the sweet aroma of coffee and that jazzy music starts to lift my spirits. I order and sit down staring off into the artwork on the wall. Empty-minded, I get lost and pretend I’m part of the art. Like, I somehow, by staring blankly, I transcend myself into the painting. I disappear until the barista comes over and places a hot, steaming mocha latte in front of me. “Enjoy!” she says. 

The first sip is always heavenly. It’s familiar and new at the same time. It livens my palate and lights a spark. The more I sip the bigger the fire becomes until my insides are warm and my mind buzzing. I can feel the caffeine coursing through my veins.The music changes to something more upbeat and my foot starts to tap to the music.

I’m Ready. Ready to start the day and get things done. The world becomes brighter and my mind clears like a foggy morning to a sunny afternoon. I am transformed. Time to get to work. 

Salted Sea Breeze

5. His foot slid into the sun-baked beach, wiggling his toes to root them deep into the sand. The warm energy from the earth flowed from his toes to the edges of his fingers and it kindled his soul.

He ran those fingers through his hair making sure each strand experienced the salted sea breeze.

He took a deep breath filling every corner of his body with the crisp ocean air and exhaled all his negative energy into the passing wind.

He saw the sun poke out of the ocean fog and felt the individual rays meet the energy from his soul. He felt immortal and as long as he was anchored, his spirit flowed free. 

SS

Words of Encouragement

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. -1 Corinthians 10:13. 

"I'm having a hard time coping." 

          "With what?"

"With life and love and being lonely and watching all my friends walk away from me, even the ones I didn't think would leave." 

Amore

A man quit his job and went searching across the nation to see how love was defined between people. Heres what he found out. 

Self Love

The happiest couples always consisted of two (sometimes more) emotionally healthy and independently happy individuals. These people practiced self-love. They treated themselves with the same type of care that they treated their partner... or at least they tried to.

Emotionally healthy people know how to forgive, they are able to acknowledge their part in any disagreement or conflict and take responsibility for it. They are self-aware enough to be assertive, to pull their weight, and to give love when it's most difficult.

Commitment

After that emotional health came an unquestioning level of commitment. The happiest couples knew that if shit got real, their significant other wasn't going to walk out on them. They knew that even if things got hard - no, especially if things got hard - they were better off together. The sum of the parts is greater than the whole.

Trust

Happy couples trust each other... and they have earned each others' trust. They don't worry about the other person trying to undermine them or sabotage them, because they've proven over and over again that they are each other's biggest advocate. That trust is built through actions, not words. It's day after day after day of fidelity, service, emotional security, reliability.

Establish that foundation, and you're in good shape.

Intentionality

This is the icing on the cake. There's a difference between the couple who drives through the rainstorm and the couple who pulls their car to the side of the road to make out in the rain. (Yes, that's a true story.) There's a difference between the couple who kisses for 10 seconds or longer when they say goodbye to each other rather than just giving each other a peck... or nothing at all. There's a difference between the couples who encourage each other to pursue their personal goals at the expense of their own discomfort or inconvenience... even if it means their partner has to stage kiss another woman.

The couples who try on a daily basis to experience some sort of meaningful connection, or create a fun memory are the couples who shattered my perception of what was possible in a loving relationship.

Life Lessons

"A good life plan is to have adventure, make a buck, kiss girls as often and deeply as possible, love life, dance, protect the weak, learn every day, keep a journal, laugh, sing, create, listen to old people, try and make peace, forgive, be generous with what you have, spend time enjoying what you encounter. decide on a mission at some point... an expedition or a goal and move a little bit in that direction every day and before long...bingo!

Taxes, bills, death, sickness, loss, injury, misfortune happen. Accept it.

Love, fun, beauty, goodness, kindness, growth, happiness, camaraderie.... these things happen too. Pay more attention to these.

Take care of the most important old person in your life when you are young.. That would be YOU when you are old. Save some, be healthy, build a loving community around yourself. You are responsible for your happiness and security as an old person. Get cracking!

Did i mention the girl kissing part? all the magic in the world comes from love, I think. Don't lose sight of the magic."

Tin Man

He stood there taking it all in. Waves crashing on to the moonlit beach and the cold sea breeze tearing at his skin.

The piercing cold soothed the painful emptiness he felt.

For the first time in his life he found himself depleted. The constant unrequited love drained him. He lost faith in hope and hated love. It broke him and extinguished his soul. He felt nothing and the cold numbed him.

Without a soul, he became a machine. A tin-man searching for his heart.

Roses smelled like shit. Dorthy became dull and annoying. He no longer wanted to take the piss-yellow road and instead headed towards the dark depths of the sea. 

The ocean started to rust his skin and before it enveloped him, he caught a shimmer from the moon. 

Fate had other plans for him. 

SS

“It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew — and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents — that there was all the difference in the world.”

Tucked In

2:00am
John criticized himself for not being strong enough. Most days, he held his head high and smiles radiated from him but today he found himself looking at his shoes. 

The whole day was against him. Long lines stood wherever he went and every traffic light flipped red to mock him. He was good with turning negatives into positives, but today negative won. 

     Knock, Knock. 

     "Sorry Mr. Kim but I have to check your vitals." 

The night nurse rolled the blood pressure machine into the room and quietly checked John's Dad's blood pressure and temperature. 

     "Everything good. Goodnight Mr. Kim"

John, sitting at the other end of the room, kept watch the whole time. He saw the door close and laid back down on the couch.  

Out in the darkness he heard  

     "Water"  
          "Water", his Dad rasped. 

He helped his father sit up and held out a cup for him to drink. 

His Dad, once strong and full of life, now struggled to sit up. It broke his heart to see his father wither and become frail in three years. Chemo and radiation ate away at his body and left taking payment. He tucked his father into bed; an act of love that he thought was years away. He felt his eyes water, and quickly turned his face to blink it away. 

He had to stay strong; he had to be positive; lives depended on it. 

Then he said to himself, 
     "tomorrow is a new day." and went to bed. 

SS

Silver Lake Blvd

She sat relaxed, legs crossed, staring out the window of Silver Lake Blvd. She let her world blur and mused at her thoughts. Her fingers curled around her hair and pulled them through the crevices of her hand. The gentle tug of her hair felt cool and her tea sat on the table, vanishing in a wisp.

Thoughts poured in and she scribbled the words that shot by. She held her page down, wrestling it away from her pen. A give and take. She was a veteran writer. The pen, her weapon, and the paper, her war zone. The most intimate battles that defined her spilled out in black ink. There was danger of exposing herself on paper. The vulnerability thrilled her and edged her to keep the pen down. Continue murder.. 

The paper screamed for mercy but the pen was relentless until every tick was marked.  

She paused and took a sip from her tea. A cyclist whirled by. Jazz hung in the air and saxophone rhythm filled her void. The flame from the candle gleamed and danced. She exuberated grace and there she sat relaxed, legs crossed, staring out the window of Silver Lake Blvd. 

SS